Stephen Davis & Jeffrey Busch
Stephen Davis (left), 55, and Jeffrey Busch (right), 44, of Wilton, have been in a loving, committed relationship since 1989. For the two of them, as Stephen said, “Marriage is the only institution that is big enough for our love, and we want to formalize that love, commitment and responsibility in marriage.”
The two spent several years together in New York City, where Jeffrey is still an administrative judge and part-time legal services lawyer. Stephen runs the digital library program at Columbia University where he has worked since 1988. In 1997, they moved to Wilton, Jeffrey’s childhood home, with the dream of building a family. Their son, Elijah (Eli) Davis Busch, was born in August 2002. In naming their son Elijah, a Jewish symbol of hope, they honored Jeffrey’s Aunt Hope, who died shortly before Eli was born.
Now that they have a son, they are even more eager to marry to secure the protections for their family. “All of us parents deal with the same issues,” said Jeffrey. “We are providing Eli with a warm, loving and secure start in life. But we don’t want to have to explain to him that his family is disrespected and doesn’t have the same rights as other families. We don’t want Eli to feel like he has second-class parents.”
Even with all the steps they have taken to protect their family legally, including obtaining a civil union, they know that marriage is a unique safety net that benefits the couple and their children. Even now, if either of them died, the other would have about one-half less of the other’s retirement savings because they are not married. Jeffrey now works only part-time in order to spend more time with Eli, but without marriage, he cannot share in Stephen’s social security as a spouse would.
“We’re not housemates,” said Stephen, “We’re a responsible family and want the law to see us that way, too.”